I've always had self-esteem issues. Well, maybe not so much general self-esteem...I'm pretty confident when it comes to my brains and talent. But where I do suffer is in my body image. And some of my friends may have noticed my obsession with the gym these past few months. I love going to the gym and watching the changes, but I openly admit that I'm nowhere near I want to be. Not by a long shot. But I will get there.
My husband, much as I love him, has suggested that I have severe body image issues. He thinks it's not healthy for me to be so involved with the way my body looks. I disagree. I am not unhealthy. I get more physical exercise than the average American. I love food, and I love to digest food, so no issues with anorexia or bulimia here. When I look to images and media for inspiration, its at images of thin, muscular, fit, women, with an admirable athletic physique. So why is this unhealthy? I do appreciate his concern, but I feel in my core that I am striving to be the best I can, and for good reason.
I feel that I am realistic about the way I want to look. It is not my goal to be 100 lbs, and a size 00. In fact, if I don't lose another pound, I would still be content. (Currently, I stand at 126.4 lbs., 5'4" and size 2 or 4, depending...) I just want to be a fit, well-oiled machine. Let's face it: none of us is getting any younger, or healthier, unless we work at it. If you don't do something for yourself, you will never be any better than you are at this exact moment. Do I expect that I will ever look like an Olympian? Of course not. But I do expect that I will continue to grow stronger, lose more body fat, and increase my endurance. Yes, I'd like to be able to run a 5k, then a half marathon, and then who knows.
So why is this unhealthy? On the contrary, maybe more people should be concerned with their body and health, but in the same way I am. As we look around, Americans are certainly getting more obese each year, and our habits are getting unhealthier as well. Instead of being obsessed with achieving the body of a Victorias Secret model or a physique like that of a professional athlete, I suggest we all just increase our awareness of what our bodies are capable of, and achieve that. Not everyone will be able to reach the same levels of fitness and health, but we can achieve our personal best. For a person to have this mindset, I would say that is a damn healthy state of mind.
I also hope that I am setting an example for Moose. She's been blessed by inheritance of her father's "long and lean" genes, but I still want her to place importance on her physical health. I want her to see that I want to keep improving myself, and eventually reach a point where I am maintaining my good health and strength. I think that is one of the best things I can do for her. I believe it is much more important than placing emphasis on her "beauty" or hair, or style, or those other superficial ways we find to impress personal wealth upon our little girls. Intelligent and healthy is all I ask for my girl.
I guess in parting, I will just ask everyone to consider, what can you achieve? What is your personal best? And what are you going to do to get there?
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