Root Canals are a Hard Limit

Alternate Title: How my Dentist taught me about Sex or How I nearly safeworded on my Dentist


Got your attention did I?  It's not what you think, you dirty minded fools.  Today, I was scheduled to have my temporary crown replaced with the permanent crown, which was supposed to make my mouth feel all better, and allow me to resume a normal diet. (I haven't eaten real food in a month.)  Instead, I was subjected to more pain, and the temporary has been left in place while I wait to see if the bruised ligament will heal or if I need to see the Endodontist.

So anyway, back to the title of this post. I'm sure you've at least heard of the book series Fifty Shades of Grey , in which new college graduate, Anastasia Steele, is seduced into a BDSM lifestyle by super-hot megabillionaire Christian Grey.  Christian is young, rich, philanthropic, and devastatingly handsome.  And yet, he wants to punish poor, innocent Ana.  Despite the pain and fear, she manages to fall in love with him, and they live out a tortuous and seriously screwed up relationship. Enter: my dentist.

My dentist runs a primarily cosmetic practice in SoCal. The parking lot is filled with BMWs, Lexus, Range Rovers and Mercedes.  Needless to say, the man is probably making some serious cash. And, he's pretty easy on the eyes.  Dr. Grey would appear to be the total package: rich, handsome, kind, gainfully employed...and yet, I still hate him. I'm certain that most of his female patients probably have a minor (or major) crush on Dr. Grey, but not this girl. Not for all the money in the world.

I cannot stand going to the dentist. I avoid it at pretty much any cost. I know he doesn't mean to cause me pain, but just the thought of the drill or novacaine, and I get ill.  To add insult to injury, take one look at the bill I'll get. So in some way, yes, I suppose he is deriving pleasure from my pain (or at the very least, I'm making this month's payment on his sportscar).  Anyway, I about came unglued when he started drilling on my crown to reshape it. Despite his promises to be gentle, I felt abused.  Needless to say, I was not thrilled while making my next appointment for two weeks from now while simultaneously getting a referral to the endodontist. The prognosis: either the bruising will heal on its own in the next several days, or I will need even more extensive work on that tooth, including a root canal.

This morning, on the drive home, feeling violated, I was thinking about poor little Ana Steele. I know she's a fictional character, but how does she do it? I just can't imagine. There is no way I could combine sex and pain. No way, uh uh.  Don't get me wrong, I rather enjoyed the books in the series. But I guess that is what fiction is for...to allow us to escape the reality of life a few moments at a time. Maybe if my dentist bought me an Audi, I wouldn't complain as much., but I'm guessing our screwed up "relationship" won't get that far. ;-)