The Curse of the MCAS

It never fails. Every time I meet a new USMC spouse here, the conversation goes something like this:

Me: Hi! It's so nice to meet you!
Her: And you as well! Isn't your daughter about the same age as mine? We should definitely have a playdate!
Me: Yes!!! We would love that! I think so-and-so mentioned that you live in ________ neighborhood, too! That is where we live. Just down the street.
Her: That is amazing! I walk every Wednesday morning with a few other USMC spouses, you should join us. They are so much fun!
Me: I'd really like that.  I'd just love to meet some more neighbors. I feel like after 2 years, I don't know many at all.
Her: Absolutely. You've been here 2 years? What does your husband fly? What squadron is he with?
Me: Oh, he's actually a Comm-O. He's with (insert unit here).
Her (with blank stare and growing disinterest written all over her face): Well, give me your number, I'll call you next week.
I give her my number and never ever ever hear from her again.

Yup. Every single time.

I get it: we're at a Marine Corps Air Station; most of the spouses I meet will be pilot wives. But I have never felt so isolated in my life, even in a city the size of San Diego.  I'm sure that most of them don't do it on purpose, but the few of us I do know who are not pilot wives (we're all members of the Officers' Wives' Club together), are excluded from a lot of things on base and socially. It sucks feeling left out all the time. And with the USMC Ball this weekend, I am a little apprehensive because I know that maybe 2 of the women I know will be there, while all the the squadrons have their own ridiculously fun balls and other social events all the time. Yes, I'm jealous. Our unit has basically nothing. (And while technically a squadron, it's not, as far as I'm concerned. The spouses don't do anything. There is no social function other than the annual holiday party, which is for about 400 families...not a very good place to meet new people, either.)

Case in point: a few weeks ago, there was a Flight Suit Formal.  All the guys and gals gathered at the O-Club, and the gals spiffed up their hubby's old flight suit. It looked like a BLAST. But wait...my husband doesn't have a flight suit. So I asked about that...was told they welcome all variations on cammies, but who wants to be the only one there NOT in a flight suit?  I was actually pretty bummed that I had to miss one of the few social events that I might know a few people at. :(  Even at our OWC meetings, the squadrons tend to group together, and those of us not married to a pilot are kind of scattered around the table like clingons. It's embarrassing to not fit into any of the cliques.

I admit, and I know others feel this way, too: Sometimes we're made to feel inferior because our husbands don't fly. Well, the USMC has kept my hubby around for 12 years for some good reason, and though I agree he is ridiculously good looking, I don't think that is why. Just because you married a pilot does NOT make you a better person. That whole "I don't wear his rank thing" should be amended to include MOS. I know not all pilot spouses are like that, but the ones who are ruin it for everyone else. I'm made to feel like an interloper just because my husband has a different job. It's not like he cleans toilets for a living.

I guess what I would tell those spouses is this:   Be kind. Be welcoming. Include others, regardless of what squadron they are with. We are all walking the same walk. We all deal with deployments, PCSing every few years (although it's much easier for pilots to homestead...lucky bastards), and especially remember that other spouses are making new friends (or trying to) every few years as well.

It has been two years, and I still don't have that "mil spouse buddy" I can call up and go grab a beer with, or go to the winery, or just go hang out. I miss that terribly. I am a social creature, and I crave those connections, especially with women who understand this crazy, beautiful life. I would love to have a peer who I can grab and say, "Hey, you and I are going ball gown shopping NOW." Even through the deployment, unless it was a unit-sponsored function, or I was in the hospital, I never saw any of the other spouses or families. :-( This really makes me sad, because I am such an outgoing person, and so is Moose.

And a special THANK YOU to the new friend I met on Facebook recently, though not in person yet, who graciously invited me to attend any unofficial squadron get-togethers. That meant the world to me, that you would include someone you barely know.  I will be taking you up on that offer!!! And for the handful of ladies that I know fairly well here, we need to spend more time together!!

And on that note, I wish everyone a wonderful night at their Ball this weekend! Happy Birthday to the United States Marine Corps!!!!!!