Another Reason I'm Unpopular

A few months ago, I mentioned that I am an atheist. It's definitely an unpopular opinion, especially among the military community, which tends to be very pro-religion.  I have many, many reasons I do not believe in God, or a higher power.  Most of them could be attributed to my highly logical thought process.  If I can't see your "proof", don't count on me falling for your fairytales.  After all, I don't belive in Mother Goose or Rumplestiltskin or Peter Rabbit.  Anyway, I am not going to get into theological debate with this post.  I feel the way I feel, and that is that.  What I did plan to discuss was how it can be difficult to raise a child in a Christian society when she and I are both atheists.  (My husband subscribes to some kind of Catholicism....but I honestly think he would fall under "skeptic".)

A few days ago, I was cursing something under my breath, as I often do, and said "God! I am so sick of __________!" I can't even remember what I was upset about, but I do remember what Moose said to me: "Mom, that hurts my feelings." I told her I wasn't mad at her, and asked her, "What hurts your feelings?" "When you say 'god', Mom."

Clearly she didn't get it from me, and I know they're working on kind words at school, so that must be where it came from.  Don't misunderstand, I don't really mind that they are teaching her that we shouldn't say that...if anything, I am respectful of other peoples' beliefs in their deity, and that includes taking the name in vain around Christians and whatnot.  However, I am uncomfortable with her thinking that someone saying, "God!" hurts her feelings.  It's just a WORD.  And I want her to know that she can decide what words she allows to hurt her, and which ones she can just let go.  It's a word that essentially means nothing to her at this point.  I asked her why that word hurt her feelings, and she just shrugged at me.  And that was the end of that.

We also just celebrated Easter.  Fortunately, we are still at that age where we can get away with not explaining WHY some celebrate those days, and why our reasons are different than those of the other families we know.  I decided long ago that there was no harm in celebrating Easter or Christmas, as there are other myths associated with the holiday that do not revolve around the birth or resurrection of a man.  Truly, the spirit of these holidays for our family is the celebration OF the family...just being together, happy and healthy, is reason enough to have a special day, complete with presents, a special meal, and a day to play.  But I know that soon enough she will start noticing that we do not attend church, she'll start hearing the stories other children learn in Sunday school, and she'll begin to question why she doesn't go to church as well.

I feel like I'm somewhat prepared to address these issues with Moose, when the time comes. I don't  feel the need to include her in a religion just so she is not so different from her peers.  When she is old enough, she will be free to decide what she'd like to believe in.  But until then, I'll be consistent in my message.  I will encourage her to be understanding of differences in religion, just as we are accepting about any other difference.  It's about teaching her to be a decent human, an upstanding world citizen.  As Thomas Paine said, "My country is the world. My religion is to do good." I think that is a pretty sound mantra.

I'm Back

I know I've been off the radar for a few weeks, but now I'm back.  That kidney surgery I was hinting about a few months ago....well it happened, but not at all how I had planned.  The doctor's office called me at the end of the business day last Tuesday and said "Can you be here Thursday morning?" It was then, or wait (in excruciating pain) until mid-May, so I jumped on it.  Before then, I was wading through my days, dealing with a lot of pain management issues. I could either be in pain and function, or take meds and be sick all the time.  Neither is much fun.  Anyway, with about 36 hours to plan and get ready for surgery, with a deployed husband and the Moose to take care of, plus run a business and reschedule my busy weekend....it was crazy.

The actual procedure went well, it was an "invasive" surgery, though we weren't sure if they would have to go in or not prior.  Well, the recovery has been hell. In fact, Moose is at school today when she normally would have been home, because all I can really do right now is sleep.  I'm down six pounds from being sick and having no appetite, but I'm so swollen it is difficult to wear jeans or anything that snaps/buttons.  I've been living in yoga pants.  Thank goodness for our FRG for making sure we've had food. Poor Moose, she's had to live with a shadow of her normal Mommy.

Anyway, I admit, all I've wanted for the last week is my husband HOME.  There is no pain in the world like kidney pain, it's totally debilitating. In this crazy military life, we learn to do a lot on our own, but somethings you never want to have to do that.  This is one of them.  Oh, and guess what....I get to do the other side sometime in May.  Alone. Again.  I tend to consider myself Superwoman, even amongst military spouses.  I'm tough, I'm hardened, I'm almost cold.  I just do what I have to do and don't bitch about it.  That's what being a military wife means.  You married them, the deployments, the worry, the whole job....shut up and just take care of business while they're gone. But this is one time I wish we didn't have to go through it.  I'm exhausted, physically and emotionally, and feeling very much alone, despite the support of friends near and far.

I'm feeling better step by step.  I actually expected my recovery to be a little easier than it has been, but unfortunately it hasn't.  I know I won't be able to take care of Moose when they do the other side, the worse of the two.  So I'm trying to plan for that right now.  And I'm finally getting back to work and the other things that keep me busy.  At least for a while.