I don't care what your preconceived notions of a military spouse are...throw them out the window. I'm tired of hearing them. (Especially those about officer wives. They just are not true.) Unless you know a good-sized group of military spouses...you really don't know and don't understand what it is like. I hope that I'm able to give a good glimpse into our life with the United States Marine Corps, but I know I am just ONE spouse. We are alike, and we are different. We come from all over the world, have different religious and educational backgrounds, have different opinions on parenting, and more. But we all share one common thread: we love someone in the military, and we have chosen this life for our family.
Yes, it was a choice. Regardless of when our spouse entered service. But it was not an easy choice. Nor is it an easy life. I have lived with the military family lifestyle in one form or another my entire life. But yesterday I was reminded of how hard it is for a young woman embarking on her military journey with her soon-to-be husband. A bride called me, from many states away, and is in the process of planning her wedding to her deployed Marine. They plan to be wed shortly after he gets home this summer. We talked a lot about the photography for her wedding day, and then we started talking about life in the Corps.
She's 15 years younger than I am, and facing the daunting task of setting up a household for her husband's return. Here's the catch: the military doesn't recognize a fiancee. You don't matter until you're married. She's moving her entire life out here, thousands of miles from home, with no idea of where they will live (can't apply for base housing until after the wedding). That's only one of many things this young woman has on her plate, in addition to the wedding planning. They've been together for more than 2 years, and she just can't wait to be with her man, no matter what it takes. Now THAT is sacrifice, my friends. I'd be overwhelmed by everything she has going on, let alone when I was a young 20-something. I admire her strength and courage. Us military spouses have a lot of both. We have to.
This morning on the phone, I was talking to a family member, and she said, "I don't know how you do it." Well, you just do it. Sure, it's hard to say goodbye to your husband, to not hear from him, to watch your daughter cry out for him at night. All while managing the house, my business, and trying to take care of myself. It's hard to pack up your home every 3 years and move away from your friends, school, and your comfort zone. It's hard to be told you're moving to XYZ when that is the last place in the world you want to live. But we do it with a smile (and maybe a little griping to our military wife friends who understand.) We know that as tough as things might be, we always have our military spouse friends to support us. To help us out. We take care of our own. That's all there is to it. I was happy to help that bride with all her questions yesterday, and I meant it when I told her to call me anytime. And someday, when she's a "seasoned" spouse, I know she'll pay it forward. That is just what we do.
The next time you meet a military spouse, thank her (or him) for their service. Ask them what you can do to help. Or simply just smile. That smile can go a long way and maybe even turn their whole day around.
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