Negative Nancy at the Helm!

I openly admit that the last two weeks I have been a total Debbie Downer.  Hence the reason I have not been posting. I can't say it's the deployment getting me down, per se, but rather some of the fallout.  We're not big Valentines Day people, but at the very least we always exchanged cards, went out to dinner, and I usually got some chocolates and flowers. But not this year.  It's also ramping up into a very difficult time of year for me...my dad's birthday is coming soon, as well as our anniversary and my birthday.  I struggle so much with these three dates, and they are all over the course of about a month. Why do I have such a tough time? Well obviously, I miss my dad, and his birthday is a reminder that another year has passed without him. Our anniversary: well, he never met my husband or my daughter, and that pains me. And my birthday: the last time I saw him was on my 27th birthday.  That is usually all I can think about on my actual birthdays: how much time has passed since he left us. It's shitty to have to go through that timeframe alone, even though I cope on my own most of the time...it's a comfort to know that I have that shoulder to cry on when I need it.

So yes, I am in a funk.  I'm sad.  I'm tired and running on virtually no sleep.  I've been busy, and things are getting into a routine here, but at night, there is still the battle of getting Moose to sleep in her own bed. The latest: we're afraid of shadows. And goblins.  (So help me, whoever told her a goblin lives in her closet...I'm coming for you.) Every night, I battle for 1-2 hours to get her to go to sleep, and by then I usually just give in and lay down with her because I am drained.  Then I wake up, get into my own bed, only to find her crawling in a few hours later. (Always by 2 a.m. I can expect to be used as a pillow.) Then the dogs wake me up to go outside, and by the time I get back to sleep, the alarm is going off. I don't know if this means I need to adjust my personal schedule or what, but SOMETHING has to give.

Anyway, I'm here, but trying to work through this.  Fortunately, I have some good distractions planned. We are drawing closer to the Disneyland trip, and it looks like she might actually make it.  Lots of hearts, and only a few frowny faces.  I also have some girl time coming up with my Officers' Wives' Club members.  I promise to come back around soon, with some good news to report. Just gotta get my head back in the game!