My House is Filthy, But I Don't Care

...because it means my hubby is HOME!!! Yes, he's leaving dirty laundry everywhere, and the sink is FULL of dishes.  The floors look gross and I'm constantly reminding him to close the screen door, but he is home.  He came home last week, and I've just been enjoying having my family of three back together again. I haven't touched the computer, or pulled up my work email, or anything.  I'm just basking. ♥

It wasn't an easy 207 days and nights, but it wasn't nearly as difficult as I might have expected. It seems like it passed quickly, despite the fact that I had a few more challenges to overcome than your average deployed spouse. I was lucky, though. I made it through the surgeries on my kidneys on my own. Time just kept moving, not dragging. I think I can credit my work for that. I just had too much to do to be thinking about "time".  I didn't accomplish everything on my Bucket List, but I also accomplished things I never dreamed I could have. Overall, I'm pretty happy with the way things worked out.

So, what's it like having him home? Of course it has been a readjustment for all of us. Moose doesn't want to let Daddy out of her sight. She begs him to "Stay home forever." That is heartbreaking, because I know there will be more goodbyes eventually.  But more or less, he's fit right back into our life as a family. I have to cook for three now, but that's not such an adjustment (as we've eaten quite a few meals out the last few days).  Really, we could not have asked for a more perfect reunion.  We are so very lucky, because I know it isn't so easy or perfect for everyone.  But we have the fairytale.

Our nights have been spent cuddling and watching movies as a complete family again. Long talks. Planning for the future. I hope to have photos to share in the near future (I had another professional photog come and cover it for us).  But here's one of Moose and Daddy when we got home.

Lots of great things are going to be happening in the next few months, and I hope to share them all here. I'm heading in a new direction (but also will keep up as a full-time photographer), we are expecting orders in the Spring, so that will be interesting.  (Fingers crossed we can stay in SoCal.) A big family vacay is in the works. Lots happening. So while the last seven months have come to an end, we know the journey doesn't end there!

The Catch-22

Scene: The television is on the other side of the room, blaring "We did it!" and the rest of Dora the Explorer. The author is sitting in the most uncomfortable chair she owns: one of the dining room set with a wicker seat, just grateful to have 10 feet of space between herself and her offspring and 5 minutes in which to form a somewhat coherent thought. Enter: crabby blog post.

It's been one of those days. The kind in which I get nothing accomplished, despite a growing "to-do" list.  Technically, I am on a month-long hiatus from work, but that doesn't mean the work started before I went on "break" just magically disappeared. In fact, I've been trying frantically to wrap some things up so that I can enjoy the time off, including a family vacation in a few weeks.  But no....not happening today.  Moose is home from Grandma's house, and is alternating between clinging to me and whining one moment, and bouncing off the walls the next. Oh how I wish it wasn't 100 degrees outside, and that I didn't have a ton of things to get done right now. My stress levels are higher than usual, and a migraine is throwing in a little helping hand.

So now, I look at the clock, rub my throbbing temples, and contemplate all that I have to do tomorrow that I didn't even touch today.  Oh sure, I got two things done today. Out of two thousand. And I'm dreading the bedtime battle (which is back). Of course, many people will say I work myself too hard. (But why work if you're going to do it half-assed?) Some of those same people, as well as others, will say I should just relax and focus on being a parent and not a careerwoman.  And yet, there it is: The Career Catch-22.

For all those people that say, "Oh, you don't have to work.": Yes, I very much do. I am not just a mom and a wife; I have a brain and talent and a career that define me every bit as much as anything else. In fact, if you asked me to describe myself, being a mom or a wife isn't even in the first 5 bits of information I would volunteer. And before you tell me my priorities are messed up, just stop right there. Why should my defining qualities be that I am someone else's property??? (i.e. Husband's Wife, Moose's Mother.)  Hell no. I am my own person, who has needs and ambitions and a LIFE.

Here's the funny part: a good portion of those same people who say I shouldn't work would immediately pass judgment on me if I just sat home all day and did nothing. So what is up with that? I'd be criticized for allowing my husband to bear the burden of ALL of the household expenses. (He already makes a lot more than I do and contributes much more, and that makes me feel like shit anyway.  I don't like not having equality between our incomes, but he supports me in growing my career and finding satisfaction in my work.) They'd say I am lazy, and that I'm setting a poor example for Moose.

Oh, and let me rant on about something else...many "people" see my career as a joke. Because I work from home mostly, or as a photographer, I'm not taken seriously. I call 40-60+ hours a week of hard work, dedication, and my SOUL a serious career.  I've poured everything I have into building my business. I think my husband can testify to that. It's not as easy as just "taking pictures". If I could only educate the world on what the photography business is really about, and that we're not all making huge incomes....well, I'm already short on time in my day.  I'm fortunate enough to have a job I love, most of the time. If that means I don't have a real job, then I feel sorry for all the people in the world who claim to have "real jobs".

Well, Dora is over, so I guess it's back to reality for me.  Is it time for school to start yet?